the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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