I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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