I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
