Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
