she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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