I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
