I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
