I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
