we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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