One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
