I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
