I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
