I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
