you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
