How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Plan B is the new Plan A
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
