I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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