i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
