I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
