if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
