I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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