I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
