Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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