My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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