we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He better not be in your backpack
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
