you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
