i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
