I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
