i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
