you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
