I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
