Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
