It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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