are you still at the devil's house?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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