I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
