the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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