I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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