I'm going to jail i love you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
