I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
