Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
