The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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