Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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