Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
