I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
