its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
