I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
