I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
