also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
