He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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