Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
