Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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